“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” – M. Scott Peck
Sunday night, after finding a seat on the bus, a sense of panic overwhelmed me. Pure panic. The low roof of the vehicle, dimmed lights and questionable character a few rows back had little to do with it. This was a different kind of panic. I know it all too well. I’ve felt it before. It’s the moment when my mind catches up with my body, I realize what I’m doing and start to second-guess myself.
What am I doing? Why am I leaving? Why am I going? Why am I putting myself through this again?
My parents think I’m crazy, my friends say I’m adventurous, and I’m left to toe the line somewhere in between.
The bus this time was on its way to New York City, but the feeling is the same when experienced on other modes of transportation to much further destinations- Chile, Spain and India, to name a few.
The unknown possibilities, opportunities and potential face-first failures are both excessively exhilarating and utterly overwhelming.
I figure I’ve waited around long enough and it’s time to stop making excuses as to why I don’t have a job. I’m in New York to make connections, meet new people, look for full-time employment and to experience a huge and diverse city in the US for a change. Oh yeah, and to take in all the cliché glory of the Big Apple.
The panicky feeling set in for a number of reasons: I don’t have a place to stay for the entire length of my visit- however long it may last- and will have to make it up as I go, for the lack of a Plan B and the many ways that I could totally fail and have to bus it back home in a week with my pride stashed in the bottom of my backpack.
There must be a silver lining in here somewhere. Oh, yes, I found it: that people always come through and are generally helpful, that I have a few professional connections already and am determined to make more, and well, what have I got to lose?
Ready or not, New York, here I come!